Alice: “Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?”
Cheshire Cat: “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
Alice: “I don’t much care where.”
Cheshire Cat: “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”
Have you ever felt like Alice?
Identifying your TRUE desires.
This is important. Too often we find we’re working on the wrong problem because we didn’t get to the root of what we REALLY want to achieve.
Ask yourself, “What do I want?”
When you have the answer ask yourself, “What will that do for me?”
Maybe the answer to that question is what you really want?
To be sure, ask again, “What will that do for me?”
Ask the question at least 3 times to be sure you are drilling down to what you REALLY want.
For example, if your goal is to be the manager of your company you may realise by asking these questions that actually being a manager would keep you away from your family too much and that what you really want is a job that will give you a managerial role but still allow time with your family.
Earlier we touched on outcomes – your “outcome frame” is the one you are trying to use instead of your “blame frame”. You need to identify what outcome you want from situations; from your life.
Here are 3 simple steps for making a change
- Have a clear idea of your required outcome – what do you actually want to happen? Focus on what you DO want, not what you don’t want.
- Be alert to what is happening around you – remember your brain is trying NOT to focus on background stuff so you will have to do this deliberately.
- Vary what you’re doing until something reaches your outcome – This is trial and error. If A, doesn’t work, try B. If that doesn’t work, try C, and so on.
Note the following points..
Outcomes must be stated in the positive.
If I say to you “don’t think about a beach” – I bet you immediately thought of a beach? – Focussing on what you don’t want is counter-productive – statements in the negative (I don’t want….) always have the reverse effect
Plan for what you DO want, not what you don’t.
- Outcomes must be largely within your control
For example, don’t think of how you can persuade other people to become your friend. You can’t control other people. Plan how YOU can become more friendly and likeable.
Outcomes must be specific
And detailed – who, what, where, when? How will you know when you’ve achieved it? What will you see, hear, feel?
If your required outcome is too large, too distant to seem achievable, break it down into smaller steps.
Could there be any negative impacts in achieving your outcome? Such as the effect on others? e.g. Will work goals take you away from family?
Good luck. Hope it works. Let me know about your experiences.